You’re out at a concert with some good friends—maybe some
folks you haven’t caught up with in a while.
Perhaps a particular song isn’t your favorite so isn’t holding your
attention. Or maybe you’re pretty into
the music and it’s making your mind race and wander so you want to loop your
friends in on what you’re thinking. Your
friend seems into chatting too, so no harm done, right?
Not quite. In my view (and that of many music fans), you should really do your best to hold the conversation until set break or after the
show.
First, to clarify: getting to know your neighbors is a great
thing to do at a show. It contributes to
the communal vibe and helps everyone have a great time. I typically ask people next to me where
they’ve come in from (since a large percentage of folks at any Phish show have traveled
from somewhere else); and learning a bit about their lives and sharing our
experience makes the show a lot more fun for me. And, of course, you’ll want to bond with the
friends you’re come with. The only time
not to hold a full-fledged conversation is when the music is actually playing.
Here's why.
The people around you
can hear you—and it can be super-distracting. You may not realize how your voice can carry,
but the person directly in front of you likely has your conversation coming
directly into her ears, competing with the music, which is emanating from
speakers not nearly as proximate. The
people behind you can see and hear your conversation, forcing them to look over
/ through you to try to stay connected to the show.
Some people struggle to stay dialed in to what’s happening
on stage even without any distractions.
Staying present and paying direct attention for hours straight is
getting harder with every minute we spend glued to our smartphones; and depending
upon what’s happening in people’s lives, what substances they’ve ingested that
night, people’s minds can wander. It’s
that much harder to be present and connected to the music when someone’s conversation
is ringing in your ears. For some people
around you, your talking might reduce their enjoyment marginally. For others it might make the difference
between an amazing, connected experience and a missed opportunity. Either way, why do you want to reduce your
neighbors’ fun?
Most people won’t say
anything to you—but that doesn’t mean you’re not bothering them. I don’t think folks should be talking during
shows because of how it affects others’ experiences (see more below) and I am
not shy so if you’re talking around me I’ll likely ask you (as nicely and
sincerely as I can) to quiet down. But,
I’m pretty rare. Many times when I speak
up it’s actually on behalf of someone else I can tell you’re distracting but
who is unlikely to say anything. I’ve
been to more than 40 Phish shows with one particular friend and I can’t tell
you the number of times I’ve seen him distracted by “chompers” (that’s
right—there’s a nickname for talkers in the Phish world, which kind of makes my
point that people get bummed out by it).
I’m more naturally extroverted and perhaps more comfortable with
confrontation than he, so I tend to intervene—and he and others will often
thank me for doing so. Most of the time
when I say something, people can tell I’m being sincere and apologize and stop
talking. Not always, but more often than
not.
We’re all creating
this experience together—and you’re not helping when you’re not in it with me. A Phish show is a collective experience. The band is leading the way, but the audience
is an essential ingredient. Because the
band is improvising, reacting off of our energy, our role is a bit more than
just being along for the ride. With a
collective experience like this, at some level you’re either contributing to
the experience (dancing your ass off, throwing light sticks, filling up your
neighbor’s water bottle when you go take a piss) or detracting from it
(er…talking…that’s pretty much the only way, aside from getting too drunk and
being belligerent). Think about being on
a sports team. Each teammate is either
contributing to a winning culture by practicing hard, understanding her role,
etc. or detracting from it by slacking off, hogging the ball, undermining the
coach. People are rarely neutral
influences.
Would you enjoy the show
more or less if everyone in the arena was talking? Back in college philosophy class I learned
about a way to tell if something’s right or wrong usually associated with Kant:
if everyone did it would the system break down?
This is how I know it’s wrong to litter even though my one piece of
trash won’t make a big difference: if everyone litters our cities and streets
are filthy places to live. Well, ask
yourself: if everyone was acting like I’m acting, would a Phish show be more or
less awesome. If your answer is “less
awesome” it’s probably a good signal that you should reconsider your course of
action.
So, to wrap up, here’s my sincere request. First, do your best to keep the talking to a
minimum when the music is playing. A
quick comment here or there—totally fine.
A full-fledged conversation—not cool.
Next, make an extra effort to be aware of your surroundings and your impact on other
people. If someone keeps looking at you
when you’re talking, it’s likely because you’re bothering him but he isn’t
quite willing to say anything.
Finally, if someone does ask you to quiet down please
understand that this is not because that person is being a dick or trying to
ruin your night or tell you what to do.
It’s because your actions are making her show less fun and rather than
stew about it or accept a situation that is probably having a similar effect on
others, she is doing the best possible thing: speaking up nicely and giving you
the opportunity to be gracious and contribute more helpfully to the collective
experience. Please assume good faith and
be gracious and grateful, not snarky and offended. Everyone in your section will appreciate it,
and the anti-talker just might buy you a beer after the show.
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